Findings

gabbygabbypoetry:

thewateriscontaminated:

after Harper’s

(this originally appeared in The Aletheia’s Spring 2012 chapbook)

Caffeine is found to raise the speed of the human heart. Although known for many years, there has not, as of the date of publication, been a mandate to include warning labels. Warning labels, too, are found to cause a rise in heartbeat. Scientists are unsure which is the lesser of the two evils. Sometimes I think I know but I am unsure also. My heart beats quickly but I have not consumed a Dr. Pepper in almost three weeks. This is a lie. Metal cans may cause minor brain damage, as demonstrated by a study of laboratory mice. If PETA asks, these laboratory mice did not suffer any injuries. Animal rights groups may cause the speed of the heart to rise. Everything might. Watching horror films is found to slow down the speed of the heartbeat. That is a lie. Science is found to sometimes give us the wrong answer. This may also speed up the heart. I am sitting in a girl’s bedroom and she is wearing a stethoscope and she is listening to the iambic pentameter of my body. Everything is a lie. Scientists warn this may not be good for my health either, lying. The art of the lie. The art of the line. Scientists in Singapore say that the sparrows are dropping dead. Something has been eating the hearts of the dead sparrows. This is causing my heart to pound inside my body like the rhythmic pounding of fingers on a keyboard. 

Blue-breasted sparrows in Singapore are dead. We have established this. Strenuous sexual activity may be to blame, a lone scientist in Belize has said.  The sun is growing dim at a rate that has increased steadily every year since my birth. This cannot be proven via the scientific method. The sun grew brighter the year I loved you. Scientists say they have isolated the protein that causes me to feel queasy and insecure whenever I am around you. Reading lists are contributing to the dumbing down of the American education system. I did not read any of the assigned books or, if I did, I have failed to remember. Being a product of the American education system is found to cause memory loss in ~78% of students. This might be true. I made it up but it might be true. American children are more likely to fall completely in love but also more likely to never find love. I am an American child. The system has failed me. The system has fixed me. Researchers in Patagonia say the penguin population is dwindling rapidly and love may be to blame. Myself in Texas says I am dwindling rapidly and love may be to blame.

hi justin i like this a lot <3